Recently, Iβve noticed a new trend: failure is in. Where back in the day, you were expected to get to the top in one go, nowadays thereβs a lot of attention for failure: articles that emplore you βFree your failuresβ and to βFail betterβ, tenured professors that share their βFailure CVβ. Last year, a βFuck up nightβ was organised here in Amsterdam.
At first, I found this refreshing: finally there were people who dared to admit that sometimes things donβt work out and who proved that a mistake doesnβt mean the end of everything ever. It took the pressure off a bit in these days of βeverything should be perfect at all timesβ. But as time went by, my feelings about this βfailureβ phenomenon changed. Where in the beginning it felt like a sincere attempt at comforting and encouraging people, it has now turned into a display of βLook at how epic my failure is!β There is an atmosphere in which successful people try to one up each other with stories of their best failures, with their βfailuresβ actually being small to medium set backs at best.
Failing 2.0 is apparently only a thing for a very specific type of person. The type of person for whom the effects of their failures are relatively limited: Iβve never read a βfailure storyβ in which a thing like losing out on 50.000 euros in a bad business deal ended with having to claim unemployment benefits, having to work shitty jobs, and paying off a debt with a very high interest rate for years. No, in these stories the “failer” just starts a new start up, because they have friends and funds.
And all the stories Iβve read from people who felt βcompletely destroyedβ when they didnβt get into the Phd of their dreams, are always told β years later β by tenured professors. Iβve never heard anything from the βfailedβ Phd candidate who now works in the Cool Cat (clothing retailer – ed.) warehouse, and who struggles with severe depression. Because that would be considered an excessive amount of failure. Just like with authenticity and βbeing yourselfβ, there is also a limit to how much failure people think is acceptable. And you need to follow up your failures with success of course, because if you keep failing youβll just make people nervous.
Failure 2.0 is a necessary, humbling step in an otherwise succesful life. Itβs the thing that teaches you about yourself, which makes you better and stronger, after which you need to share your story with the rest of the world, stating βI did this, so you can too!β This of course with absolutely no regard for the privileged starting point of the βfailerβ. Iβll be the last to deny that itβs extremely painful when your franchise goes bankrupt, or if your academic career stalls. And I absolutely understand that these set backs feel especially huge if you have never had any sizeable set backs in your life before. But by presenting these set backs as catharsis and following them up with an βinspiringβ call to action, you are basically repackaging the same old principle of βeverything is always possible for everybody all the time as long as you really, really want itβ.
Because apart from there being zero acknowledgement that a set back is not the same as failure, and that even set backs impact some peopleβs lives way more than it does othersβ, there is also a huge lack of support for people who canβt seem to come back from their failures. The people who donβt manage to become succesful (again), because they lack necessary resources like health (both physically and mentally), intelligence, money, friends, a network. Or the people for whom this latest failure comes on top of a long, difficult life path, and who canβt muster up the energy to fight anymore. Thereβs little compassion for them, they either get victim blamed (βJust do it!/Bootstraps!/You can do anything as long as you really want to!β) or just flat out ignored. Nobody pauses to consider their reality, because it makes us uncomfortable.
The current acceptance of failure is fake. It’s just one status quo being replaced by another: where back in the day you were expected to go straight to the top, nowadays you need a βgoodβ type of failure on your path to success, that you can overcome and β once actually succesful β use as a way to demonstrate your personal growth and relatability, hashtag inspirational.
But if you stumble and for some reason donβt manage to get up, youβre still just an old school loser.
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